I heard the soft shuffle of footsteps around the corner, it froze me in my tracks, I've heard that sound before, and as a grimy blood spattered hand groped the wall for something to keep it upright, I took a step backwards. And as a body, skeleton thin, covered in bloody rags turned the corner, my fears were confirmed. I looked into the milky white eyes of the corpse and it cried its low moaning hiss. I took another step back and backed into something, I turned around and a gaping maw lunged at me.
That's when my eyes opened and I was looking at my bedroom ceiling, sleepily I rolled over and I saw the Star Wars and Joker poster on my wall and the fear started to subside. I realized I was dreaming, I rolled out of bed, tripped over my cat and stumbled to the bathroom. And as I was shitting I realized what my next blog should be, this blog is going to be focused on something near and dear to my heart, this blog is going to be about zombies.
I remember watching my very first zombie flick, it was Dawn of the Dead, the Romero version, my buddy Jon and I took the day off school, fine, okay we fucking skipped and went to the video store. He asked me if I had ever seen Dawn of the Dead and I said no, so he said that we have to rent that movie. We did, and went back to my place where my dad was home, we told him some lie about school getting out early. I don't think he believe because the only thing he said was "Don't tell your mother." We watched the movie with him, zombies were feasting on the insides and flesh of living human beings. I was grossed out and intrigued at the same time. That night I dreamed the same dream I've been dreaming for years, Jon and I hanging outside a 7-11, zombies have risen and we kill them all.
I wonder if George Romero told the future with Night of the Living Dead, creating a world corrupted by zombies. Maybe one day your Gods will say fuck it, they will say we gave them a perfectly good world and they fucked it up Let's teach them a lesson.They will create a zombie apocalypse and we will all be fucked.
Zombie movies and will be our training guide, even tho most of you out there should have a copy of Max Brooks' The Zombie Survival Guide. Some of you aren't readers and that's cool, some of you think that we are nerds for reading as much as we do, well when the day comes, and the dead walk the earth, you all will be running to us nerds, seeking sanctuary, and what will we do? Leave you to death and a future of roaming around for eternity? No because we aren't pricks, we'll take you in and take care of you.
The idea that the dead will rise excited the hell out of me, I mean who wouldn't want to get a chance to crack some zombie skull? And for those of you who say that I'm a sicko, "fuck you!" I say it with a smile because you know you all have daydreamed of doing something particularly nasty to a particularly nasty person, well if they were zombies you could do it and call it self defense.
I can see zombies rising after a nuke is launched, where the missile crashes and obliterates everything it touches, the fall out will deform the dead and make them rise, and with each bite the fallout will spread world wide, and there will only be a few left, fighting for their lives, living on different roof tops every couple of months because some jerkoff takes it in his head to be a hero. The zombies will over run us and we will have to flee again, losing a bunch of people in the process. But don't you worry about us nerds, we'll find a way to make it through, and all the chicks will love us. That would be sweet.
Jay.
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